while this blog is generally geared towards the outward trappings of a healthy lifestyle; balanced diet, exercise, etc. i firmly believe that a healthy lifestyle comes from the inside. more specifically, from the mind. i feel like we can all attest to the fact that our outward bodies reflect how healthy our mental state is. i know on my road to good health, i’ve become a much happier, more confident person. i’ve worked through a bunch of that emotional ickiness tied up with extra weight, but here’s my big remaining issue.
people pleasing. first of all, i find it odd i am such a people pleaser. i’m a very outgoing, assertive, opinionated person, but when it comes to interpersonal relationships i am such a baby. honestly i’m such a non-confrontational pushover it really bothers me. but i can’t seem to be able to do anything about it.
if it only took awareness of our faults to fix them, wouldn’t the world be awesome?
with friendships i often let things simmer slowly until i blow up. right now, i’m living with a girl who had a lot of little habits that really bother me/piss me off, and yet i have done nothing about it but bitch to my friends, which ultimately does nothing but become a big wedge between me and my roommate
in romantic relationships, it’s really just ridiculous. with the guy i was most recently seeing, my best friend was basically beside herself with joy when i actually managed to have a “what are we doing here” talk with him. while that whole situation didn’t turn out the be a fairy tale (as i’m very much single at the moment), i was also really proud of myself for bringing it up. for the first time ever.
i had a serious boyfriend for a few years in college, and since we still keep in (occasional) touch and are on good terms he’s told me that one thing about me in our relationship that bothered him a lot was that i didn’t/wouldn’t stand up for myself. his point was that the person he fell in love with was the assertive girl who says exactly what’s on her mind, even when it’s the “wrong” thing. when your ex-boyfriend tell you that, it’s bad.
i’ve talked it over with said best friend, another close friend, my guy best friend and my own subconscious time and time again and i simply just don’t understand.
fear of confrontation? fear of abandonment? fear of being yelled at? all of the above?
whatever it is. i need to figure out how to fix it. functioning adults tell people what’s on their mind. and the whole goal is to actually become an adult as i get older, not remain a pathetic little non-confrontational baby.